Some of you may remember Andrew Middleweek from our previous adventures in New Zealand. If you thought we had a horrible time in New Zealand it was nothing compared to what Cairns had in store for us.
Last Wednesday the 31st of Jan I went to pick Andrew up from the airport. I was faced with two options. Go and park in the carpark and wait to pick him up, or be a tightass and hang out in the drop-off/pick-up area. I'd been the carpark several times already and I knew there was a minimum carpark fee of $5 for 3 hours. I also knew I had no change on me. So I tried the second option.
Anyway to tell a long story short I got a $25 fine. The lesson here folks is don't trust friendly old guys in yellow coats, and always bring someone with you to the airport to mind the car. Little did we know at that point that a $25 fine was going to be the highlight of Andrew's visit. That night Nhu, Andrew and I went out for dinner and a few drinks. It was raining, my sandals got muddy. At 5am the next morning I took Nhu to the airport. No fines this time as I simply had to drop her off. The helpful old guy in the yellow coat was no doubt sound asleep.
There's a little known fact about Andrew Middleweek. Many of his closest friends are not even aware. The fact is he has the ability to affect the weather. But never in a positive way, he only brings, clouds, rain, thunderstorms and in some cases cyclones. Here's what happened when Andrew headed to the north of Australia about 11 months ago>> "Burketown Debacle" That's right Andrew Middleweek managed to single handedly bring on Cyclone Larry!
Now here's what Cairns looked like 2 days before he arrived. There were a few clouds but basically it was so nice I felt compelled to take a photo out of the window of my car. Keep that in mind as you read on about our adventures over the following week.
In the afternoon of the 1st of February there was a break in the rain just long enough for us to take a drive to Kuranda. I thought it would be good to take a look at a full flowing Barron Falls.
That night as the rain continued to pour down we decided to buy a bottle of vodka and watch some DVDs.
The next day, despite the continuing rain and cloudy conditions, Andrew insisted on going fishing for Barramundi. There was a great Barramundi Farm he knew of, it was about 100kms away, he didn't know the name or the number but he was sure he could find it. Well you'd be surprised to learn, given his direction skills, that we did find it. You'd probably be less surprised to learn that it had been closed to the public since Cyclone Larry.
It was a Friday night but given the bad weather we didn't go out. So that night as the rain continued to pour down we decided to buy a bottle of vodka and watch some DVDs.
The following day I don't think we did much. But that night as the rain continued to pour down we decided to buy a bottle of vodka and watch some DVDs.
Determined not to let the weather beat us, and continuing to look for some kind of hightlight for the trip we headed to Behana Gorge. It's a lot less popular than Mossman Gorge, possibly because you need to walk about 10kms in pouring rain to get to it.
That night as the rain continued to pour down we decided to buy a bottle of vodka and watch some DVDs. When we got bored of that I busted out my old set of lego. I think our choice of models sums us up quite well. I built a house and Andrew built a set of balls and a penis. It was at this time he reminded me that he is now 35 years old.
We decided to go out and see if we could see some of the flooding. We heard Innisfail was isolated again so we decided the best bet was to head south. On the way we stopped at a small roadhouse where a one armed man sold us some suspicious tasting sweets. He told us that the flooding was about 50kms south of Innisfail, too far for us, but that Bramston beach nearby had magestic views. I think he must be still laughing at us.
It was then on to Josephine falls. We documented it then moved on!
So to sum up the trip we spent most of the time indoors.
We watched the following;
- Extras Season 2
- Battlestar Galactica Season 3 Episodes 1-12
- 2.5 seasons of Curb Your Enthusiasm
- Assassination of a President
- The first 3 episodes of Millenium
- Napolean Dynamite
- About 5mins of Smokey and the Bandit
We drank the following;
- 4 bottles of Vodka
- 1 bottle of Bacardi
- 1 slab of beer
I managed to gain 3kgs.
Here's Middleweek's thoughts on the whole Cairns Project:
- Yates promised me Cairns would be fun
- But we had rain, cyclones and no sun
- Thank fuck for Smirnoff
- Watching TV like sloths
- Talking shit while breathing farts into our lungs